Crazy Gerald is Crazy
GW On Why He Married Me:
You look good, you fuck good, and you can suck a mean dick………….and you are pretty much my best friend.
GW is finally home and showing me his medic bag and saying things like “this is for people who have sand in their vagina” and “this is what I use to cut people’s fucking throats open””
oh lawd chemistry pickup lines
- How about me and you go back to my place and form a covalent bond?
- If I was an endoplasmic reticulum, how would you want me: smooth or rough?
- According to the second law of thermodynamics, you’re supposed to share your hotness with me.
- You’re hotter than a bunsen burner.
- If you were oxygen, I would be an alkali metal so I could get in you and explode!
- If I were an enzyme, I’d be DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes.
An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day
It’s a black fly in your Chardonnay
It’s a death row pardon two minutes too late
And isn’t it ironic… don’t you think
It’s like rain on your wedding day
It’s a free ride when you’ve already paid
It’s the good advice that you just didn’t take
Who would’ve thought… it figures
Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
“Well isn’t this nice…”
And isn’t it ironic… don’t you think
It’s like rain on your wedding day
It’s a free ride when you’ve already paid
It’s the good advice that you just didn’t take
Who would’ve thought… it figures
Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything’s okay and everything’s going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything’s gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face
A traffic jam when you’re already late
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It’s like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It’s meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
And isn’t it ironic…don’t you think
A little too ironic…and, yeah, I really do think…
It’s like rain on your wedding day
It’s a free ride when you’ve already paid
It’s the good advice that you just didn’t take
Who would’ve thought… it figures
Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out
Helping you out
yeah grrrrrl~
Kayla’s “Party Like a Sir” Birthday Party
(Source: pleatedjeans)
GW gave me an early birthday present which is a wok for stir fry and then said “now get in the kitchen where you belong”.
So sweet
GW was on flood duty all last week so he missed out on Spring Break. As a result this week he has not gone to any of his classes and has not moved from our couch or stopped playing Final Fantasy IX in his underwear.
While GW was away for flood duty he texted me a list of things that he loves about me including:
-Being comfortable enough to scratch his junk in front of me
- Being able to drink beer whenever he wants.
-I play video games with him
-Dinosaur head-butts
